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1. i have officially been offered a job! there was a mix-up with my background check and everyone knows my last employer is KIND OF A SHITSHOW* so i was a little nervous, but my recruiter got in touch with me on thursday. a spot opened up in the october group and i was cleared for hiring, so they bumped me up and i start 10/27. this messes up all sorts of plans i already had but i am really excited about starting so whatever.

2. florida this weekend though!! i'm so excited to see my friends and go to jess's wedding and eat a sub from publix and ride the hogwarts express!

3. i was supposed to be going on an increasingly terrible sounding vacation with my family in november**, but now i start in october and can't take days off so my mom reminded me that i told her i would come home for a week this month if my job started early. i need to talk to my parents about it a little more, but that's probably going to happen so i'll get to see the kids and my grandparents and everyone else.

4. AND taking time off for that will make me feel better about scheduling an appointment with my stupid hand doctor, because my hands are...not really getting better anymore. the numbness is gone and the grip strength is back, but i still can't fully straighten my fingers (and i feel like they're getting worse) and more often than not my right hand is rather claw-like when i wake up and won't really function until after i take a shower. they don't hurt (unless i, like an idiot, trip and catch myself by pressing my hand against a wall ha ha that was terrible) and functionally they're fine. i'm mostly worried that if they get worse i won't be able to do anything about it because no days off for six months. (i'm also still mildly concerned that my hands are exhibiting early signs of rheumatoid arthritis or this other weird disease that will literally turn my hand into a claw but that i don't currently meet the treatment requirements for.) anyway, maybe the occupational therapist will be able to offer some stretching exercises or something.

4b. i'm also a little worried that the cold is making them worse (it's been getting chilly here and our heat hasn't come on yet) which doesn't bode well for the winter or like, the rest of my life.

*they laid off half the office staff, including my whole dept, and lost two of their biggest contracts this year. so i clearly escaped at the right time.

**i love my family, i do, but they're renting a house in a still unknown location (last choices: somewhere in texas or daytona) where they would all golf and fish and do other boring things. while the seven of us shared a house. and one car. and ate every meal together. i was only going because my mom kept guilting me into it because it's my dad's 70th birthday. when i told him i was sorry i couldn't go he said he was jealous, which is also what he tells me whenever i can't come home for a holiday. heh.
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-con was great, it was the best, the literal best, i keep tearing up when i think about how perfect it was, etc etc.

-(except i didn't get to hang out with orlando enough, I DIDN'T EVEN YELL ABOUT ROBIN HOOD WITH EM, UGH, WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY OTHER FRIENDS)

-i bought my work friend j. a gryffindor necklace from sparkle for her birthday/a con souvenir. so i just rolled it up in the bag and handed it to her and turned toward my computer and when i looked back she was crying because it was so perfect?? i am terrible at presents so that made me really happy. (c. refused to eat the adorable cookie i got her because she didn't want to eat 11's face, and she yelled at me for giving her my copy of pretty deadly because now i don't have a signed one. so i guess now i HAVE to go to heroescon, what a shame, my life is hard.)

-it is my birthday! it's been kind of a shit week and i was pretty cranky at work today but i have an awesome new unicorn dress and i got a bunch of great cards and naomi made me cupcakes and had her sister sew THE MOST ADORABLE UNIKITTY PLUSHIE EVER and also i had sushi and like, talked to my whole family. so i'm less cranky now.

-but i sort of got a job? i guess? idk, when i started this post last weekend i included stuff about my interview at member service, but now that was almost a week ago and they have sort of hired me. so originally in august i applied for a spot in their september group, but i needed time off in october for jess's wedding so they bumped me back to their october class. which was annoying, but whatever. but then they called me on tuesday to say they were going to offer me a job, but the october class was full so they had to wait on details for the november class. i am still pretty upset and my depression's been bad all week so it's just been...not good. i had only told two of my friends and one of my supervisors about the offer, but today two of the people who did most of my training found out and both of them were really excited for me so that made me feel a little better. ms is a step below our department and people have been half-jokingly talking about how i need to stick it out and wait for an offer from our dept, and i just keep getting angrier about how shitty they treat the temps and how i don't want to work for people who think that's an acceptable way to treat me. i got treated like shit for six years in orlando, and it's not asking too much for a job where i don't get treated like that.

-so anyway, job! i can't take any days off for six months after starting though which is one of the reasons i am so mad the start date keeps getting pushed back. i haven't seen my family (except for my parents) since mlk day, i haven't seen my brothers in almost a year, my godson STARTED SCHOOL THIS WEEK and i'm going to miss christmas with him two years in a row, my grandparents were both in the hospital this summer... i like not seeing my family all the time, but i really hate never seeing them at all :/

-(i'm still planning on heroescon though. i love my family and all but COMICS.)
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second surgery went well, can't believe it's almost con, etc etc.

i listened to the wizard of oz audiobook (narrated by anne hathaway) post-surgery. i fell asleep several times during the second half, but that was sort of the intention. (i did half after each surgery.) then i watched the movie about six times in a row.

i'm also listening to the grisha audiobooks by leigh bardugo. the narrator is pretty great, the story is okay. i'm somewhere in the second one, idk. i wish the audible app would tell me what percentage i have left. i feel like there's a lot of wasted potential in these books, but i can also see why other people are crazy about them.

temporarily not reading rogues cos it's horrible and i just can't make myself do it right now. reading magic breaks instead and ha ha I LOVE EVERYONE SO MUCH UGH. at the beginning of the book kate is talking about taking a two week vacation with her fiance and then coming back for christmas with the pack and i was just like "i would read the shit out of that, why are there even bad guys in these books anymore i just want family time." anyway the bad guy just showed up so i guess family christmas shenanigans are off the table :(

i watched orange is the new black. loved the first season, liked parts of the second season. i know, i know, but it got too heavy for me. i liked it more when it was low stakes drama and not high stakes smashing someone's face in with a lock. i am very predictable in my tv needs.

hm, what else. read the first young avengers trade, need to go back to hub and get the rest. i also want to finish FF before con (i have a few issues left that i've been avoiding) and read another cap book or two. i also need to decide if i'm going to attempt the new lev grossman book before con. on the one hand, the blurb sounds terrible, but on the other hand i am kind of invested in this 'verse and want closure. (i should also try to read the new stephanie perkins before con maybe? but i kind of want to save it for when i'm grumpy because her books are perfect anti-grump books for me.)

no word on the jobs except that apparently half the temps in my department applied for them. i kind of hope they hire a lot of us and my current department crashes and burns, but i kind of don't want to keep working with these other terrible temps anymore. so.
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hand surgery #1 happened last week! the worst part of the whole thing was the panic attack i had coming out of the anesthesia, otherwise it's been fine if annoying. i have the stitches/bandage on my right hand til the 13th, at which point they remove all of that and cut into my left hand. the right hand looks gross (it's bruised all to hell) but it hurts less than the carpal tunnel did. unfortunately, the carpal tunnel in my left hand has gotten a lot worse because it's the only hand i've got now so i have to use it constantly, but it's only for another week and a half! and then i'll have hands! sort of!

also on wednesday i got a response on an application i had sent in the day before for a member service position. i did the first level interview thursday. if they hire me, i won't start til october but at least it's something. and after 18 months i can try to transfer to a different dept? meh. i'm encouraging my work gf to also apply and get dumped in the october group with me so at least i won't be alone with weirdo member service people.

other than that i've just been sleeping a lot. idk if this is a post-surgery thing or what, but i napped on and off all day wed, thurs, and sat. i worked on friday but i was exhausted all day. and i could have slept all day today but i knew i'd regret it tomorrow. need more nappppps.

(also saw guardians on friday with kait! i liked it? the parts that were good were very very good, but there were a lot of parts that were boring or shitty or out of place too so...whatever. definitely not my fave. i liked it about as much as i expected to, i guess. maybe a little less since it felt like the talking raccoon had more lines than all the ladies in the movie combined. (haha "all" there were like 6.))
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hand surgery might be happening next week! or might not be, idek anymore. i scheduled it and requested time off work but my doctor hasn't called me back to do the paperwork or set up my pre-surgery appointment to see if i'm allergic to anesthesia or whatever so. yep. (last friday she told me i needed to get both hands done in the next month to have any chance of reversing the nerve damage, this week she's not returning my calls. and no, i literally cannot afford to find a new doctor, both in terms of money (ha ha my pcp just left the practice i'd have to start from scratch with a new pcp and a million more specialist appointments) and time (permanent nerve damage woo!) so long story short carpal tunnel is terrible and i hope you never get it.)

on the other hand, i was able to hold a pen long enough to draw a tiny winter soldier on my work notebook on monday. i haven't been able to hold a pen long enough to write down a phone number for at least three months, so that was pretty exciting! and now i get to look at his dumb little face all day and remember that someday i'll have hands again, maybe someday soon, maybe by next month. (probably not by next month, the nerve damage is pretty extensive and heals at the rate of ~1 inch per month.) (so maybe by christmas.)

okay so in other news, ha ha, they decided not to post the position in my department and just gave it to one of the other temps. ha. they announced it today, they gave it to my friend, and like the first thing he did was tell me he was sorry he couldn't tell me sooner. i found out on monday and was pretty upset, but having a couple days to settle with the news made it a lot easier to be genuinely happy for him today. (and i AM happy for him, i think he'll be great! i'm just still super-pissed that they didn't let me interview so they could turn me down to my face.) URGH. several perm people have already registered their displeasure at my not getting hired though, which is nice. (and like, it's a budget thing, i get it. but they already told us that the contractor we work with fucked up so badly this year and had to renew their contract at a major discount to us, so that money should be going back into our department! for more staff! which we desperately need!) (the other temp who was on everyone's short list has been there even longer than my friend, so i kind of wonder if she's going to quit over this.)

(i have no yet heard back on the position i applied for in another department, so keeping my fingers metaphorically crossed for that. but these things come in threes, and between m. and this TOTAL IDIOT who just got hired for a position in member service* i'm hoping for the best.)

but in much happier news it's almost time for d*c!! i get to see my friends! and buy more art! and meet kelly sue! i'm wearing this dress for my carol closet cosplay and i'm supes excited. i need to get red shoes (anyone have shoe store recs? i prefer flats or super-tiny heels) and maybe gloves and figure out how to incorporate a kree star (headband/fascinator thing? prob?) and maybe paint that clear cell phone case that i bought ages ago. and i need to buy a carry-on suitcase with wheels, i don't think i can manage traveling with the duffel bag anymore, i am too old and full of useless hands.

*DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED on how when i applied to MS i got a polite form letter saying thanks but no thanks and THIS IDIOT got TWO INTERVIEWS and a JOB OFFER HOW IS THIS EVEN REALITY
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random things!

-currently listening to the true meaning of smekday audiobook! it is so great! it's really fun, the narrator is AWESOME, the characters are delightful, etc etc. it's still a little more effort for me to listen to audiobooks because i'm so easily distracted, but i really like being able to close my eyes and half-nap on my way to work while listening to a story.

-currently reading rogues. scott lynch's story was A++ (obviously) and i started joe abercrombie's story today and it's like a D-. i've been hearing not so great things about the rest of the stories in this collection, but my deep and abiding love for fantasy thieves means i will at least try to read them all. i'm also reading all the captain america books that i borrowed from kl, slowly but surely. these people are dumb, etc etc.

-i have it on good authority that the job will be posted next week. i really really want it, i don't think i have ever been this nervous about applying for something. (i want it both because i like my coworkers and my job and all that, and also because if i don't get it i am forcing myself to find work elsewhere because i can't keep temping here indefinitely. i'm getting pretty bitter/angry about the whole temping thing.)

-saw the neurologist today, she cleared me for surgery. i'm seeing the hand doctor again next friday. at my last appointment with her, she made it sound like the only thing stopping her from cutting into my hands at that moment was that i needed a neurology consult, so. this might be happening? soon? gah. i am nervous/excited.

-so in more exciting news, i commissioned a sabetha piece from an artist i love and i decided that after d*c i'm going to take down some of the art in my room and only hang art that is by or of ladies (or unicorns) so that is going to be awesome. i'm going to look for stuff at d*c to fill some of the gaps and then redo everything. this will coincide nicely with resigning the lease. (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT IS ALMOST TIME TO RESIGN OUR LEASE???)

-thinking about a tea party for my birthday this year, cos then we can all be extra cute while eating tiny sandwiches. i've heard a rumor about a tea party on a boat on the charles?? so i'm going to investigate that.
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i posted a hand update on tumblr, but the short version is that everything is still terrible and i have at least two more appointments. UGH, HANDS.

okay but in less terrible news, someone in my department announced today that they are transferring to another department, which means we will have an open position, which i can apply for. and a couple of the perm people spent all of last week arguing about which part of her job i'm going to choose to do when i get hired. (when they tried to get me to decide, i told them to stop putting the cart before the horse since i still have to apply and interview and, you know, GET AN OFFER. but i'm glad they have so much confidence in me.) so i need to clean up my resume a bit and get ready cos that position will hopefully get posted next week. so fingers crossed for that. (this is extra exciting since i've been talking with a few of the other temps about taking hits out on some of the perm people. MAYBE IT WON'T COME TO THAT.) (some of them are pretty bad at their jobs though. just saying.)

and sunday is say anything! with momebie! and maybe my fake but not imaginary girlfriend! (she refused to let me take a picture of her holding a newspaper to put on the internet, apparently that is a weird request.)
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an update, i guess?

-i'm trying not to whine about this all over the place, but my hands have been pretty messed up since valentine's day (ish) and it's been painful and terrible and i miss having hands that work. i've been to the doctor four times now and i have three more appointments scheduled, so you know it's serious. the last doctor (dr. asshole) said that i have severe carpal tunnel and probably need surgery, but since his name is dr. asshole i'm sure you can guess how i feel about his opinion. i'm seeing a hand doctor (and my pcp) this week, and a neurologist in a few weeks (probably, unless the hand doctor says that's unnecessary), but my pain levels are a lot lower than they have been so whatever. hands! typing! i still can't hold a pen! wee!

-work is good! i got a mini-promotion and raise, i talked to my manager about some of my problems, i really like the people i work with and the work that we do, and despite a small issue where i considered setting some people on fire last week it's all been going well. (and those people had it coming. WHAT KIND OF LGBT GROUP LISTS THE A AS BEING FOR ALLIES?) well, going okay, i still make shit pay and would like a permanent position. but i'm working on it.

-boston is great! my friends here are obviously A++ and having kl here now is so wonderful and i even have a new (fake) girlfriend already who SOME people think i might be making up. i really love boston and feeling like i'm where i belong, i already can't imagine living anyplace else. (of course, i am also REALLY EXCITED to see all of my other friends this fall, it feels like i spend a lot less time jabbering at people about dumb shit here.)

-i survived winter! i know some people were concerned but i was fine, and i'm already making lists of things i need to survive next year. (better boots, mostly, my snow boots fucked up my knee SO BADLY.) anyway now it's summer and we're planning a birthday party for steve rogers and basically life is gr9.
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2014 book list.

01. the dream thieves by stiefvater
02. daughter of the blood by anne bishop
03. heir to the shadows by anne bishop
04. queen of the darkness by anne bishop
05. dreams made flesh by anne bishop
06. thief eyes by janni lee simner
07. i wear the black hat by chuck klosterman
08. the girl who fell from the sky by heirdi w. durrows
09. notes to boys by pamela ribon
10. the marvelous land of oz by l. frank baum (and people)

11. ill wind by rachel caine