barbed_whispers

i think life might be moving too fast. or maybe i'm just living it 100% and that's making it seem faster. idk. anyway, this week marks the anniversary of, well, this whole thing. i still think about it more than i should, but i didn't even realize the date until i started craving death cab and getting sad for no apparent reason and searching for certain people on twitter even though we all know that i am not allowed to speak to them under any circumstances, ever. anyway, i went back and reread my journal from that year before i could get sentimental about some things, and i realized a couple of things:

1. i am heartstoppingly grateful for you people.
   
2. i can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like if all of that had not happened.
   
3. and most importantly, whatever that imaginary life is, it could not possibly be better than the one i've got now.

i still feel the way i felt in that entry, but it's a duller ache and i can imagine the day when it won't there anymore. for a really long time, i thought it would never go away. i thought i would never feel that good again, like i would never truly be myself around other people ever again.

(jesus fuck. i am listening to pearl jam's self-titled album, which (a) was a huge feature in my life at the tail-end of this shit, and (b) can make me cry like nobody's business. and now i'm sending people soppy emails. i'm sorry.)

anyway, it turns out i was wrong. i still miss some of my old friends, it's true. i wish i could have pushed through that bullshit with just one more person. but the people i have now are amazing and brilliant and kind and hilarious and just, in general, the best, and i am so lucky to have them in my life. ♥♥♥

as an aside, the main reason i never talk about any of this more than vaguely in this journal is because i keep thinking, "oh, that was dumb. i can't possibly still be this hurt about it all. i'm sure i will be over it very soon and then i will feel silly for posting about it." except it's been years and it still hurts. i do not approve of these "feelings" and i wish you humans would keep them to yourselves. hmph.

-I'm kind of really excited for The Dark Knight. Have I mentioned that? I think I have. Anyway, it looks completely awesome. And now they have put it side-by-side with the trailer for Batman (one of the movies that defined my whole childhood) and YOU GUYS, SO GOOD.

-Bess Rogers live acoustic podcast thing! Audio only, AND video!

-We watched The Day After Tomorrow yesterday, and that meant I had to go reread This is the Way One World Ends and cry like a damn baby.

-Can you guys believe I've been in Orlando for a year? (Not a link.) More importantly, can you guys believe that Sirius Black has been officially DEAD for a year? (Still not a link.) How about that HP has been done for a year? Doesn't it feel like longer? (Not a-- Oh fuck it.) Maybe living with Ashley is like dog years or something.

-Now we are going to get drunk and make Amy watch Waterworld. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

can i tell you about a dream i had last night?

(the best part about livejournal? you can't tell me no until AFTER i've told you the dream! and then i can just ignore you!)

(and before i start, i should tell you that i've been having kind of fucked up dreams. fucked up even for me. you guys, i died while zombie hunting and then discovered i had been a zombie all along in one dream. like, got shot in the head, everything faded to black, woke up in the dream and said "FUCK, i'm a zombie demon thing" kind of fucked up. what does it say about my subconcious that i was all righteously hunting evil creatures and then it turned out i was one?)

so anyway, i was with my brother, at our old house that we grew up in, in my stupid pink room, and he answered my phone and it was a demon calling. (spn-esque, except, well, keep reading.) and apparently, in the canon that is my brain, demons can possess you through telemarketing. so my brother hung up all quickly, but i suspected that he had a small amount of demon in him. (also in the canon that is my brain, possession can happen in degrees. "oh it's alright, he's only 2% demon. he's the low-fat milk of demons!") and here, i will share with you my exact thought process upon suspecting my brother was possessed by a demon: "fuck! i should exorcise the demon! ... FUCK, i don't know latin! i know, i'll ask vinnie how it starts! NO NO WAIT, that would probably really piss the demon off. whoo, good save there, not asking a demon how to exorcise it. fuck, what do i do? i know! I'LL CALL BOBBY!" at which point, i swear to god, i started scrolling through my phone looking for bobby's phone number. and then my alarm went off and scared me half to death.

IN CONCLUSION, i am totally the dean winchester of this apartment, forever and always, the end. and also, i am maybe not the person you want with you in the case of a zombie and/or demon attack.

AND NOW THERE SHALL BE CAKE.

hello kiddiewinks! my nana wanted me to take pictures of the apartment so she could see how awesome and stylish my life in florida is (hah), so i took some and put them on flickr! check out the set here. (warning: i did not clean before taking these pictures. i did make an effort to not include our floor or sink in the photos though!)

(this includes photos of our super-sweet christmas tree, fyi.)

so, i was about to post a "here is my schedule for the next week or so in case you need me" announcement, but then i realized that i really only used to post that sort of thing so that getaway_machine would know that i actually had a good excuse for not answering my phone for once, and since she's the one driving me to the airport on thursday, the post is not really necessary.

...

you guys, 2007 has been really good to me.

( whatever, here's the schedule, in case the rest of you care. )

thursday: was a bust, but i was pretty tired anyway so that was fine.

friday: i went out with gretchen and i don't even know how to explain the weirdness of the night, but it ended with a boy who spent 4 years at priest school (or whatever) chugging whiskey, hitting on me, and trying to convince g and i to watch mallrats with him at 2am. and also, there was a kid named "bones" and he was the most normal person in that basement. (um, i ended up in a basement in manasquan with these random guys we met in the bar parking lot because they had an awesome pick-up line, which involved the ninja turtles. i do not know how these things happen, but thankfully, they weren't murderers or anything!) also, if you see someone with a tear tattoo, that means they went to prison for murder. THE THINGS I LEARN.

saturday: i did a lot of nothing at work, played some games, smoked some butts, and had a pretty good day, really. then i went out with kaitlin and scott, we drank and talked and it was delightful, and then we went back to scott's place and played bananagrams and watched scrubs and passed out around 5am.

sunday: i sat around with kaitlin and just talked, mostly about circle k. she's running for international president and she's nervous and freaking out, and i'm not there to talk her down, which was my main function in life circle k. also, she told me that her favorite cki moment ever was us holding hands at elections when we ran against each other, and that she told the new board this and none of them knew who i was. which is very weird, but whatever, she made me smile. then i came home and hung out with the parents (i took the day off work for the hell of it) and let them drive me crazy. and then i got a milkshake.

...

i am halfway done with one thousand white women. i was shocked to discover that it is written by a man- he captured the main character's voice very, very well. i just wish the book was more fast-paced :/

and i picked up the harliquin from the library (woo!), so i need to read that asap. it actually sounds good? i mean, i'm sure there'll be plenty of anita whoring it up, but the description contains no sex, so that's something.

and then it's hp time!! i am so not into this yet, but i think it's just because i have so much other stuff going on right now.

...

i start training my replacement at the office tomorrow. it's going to suck to not be able to fuck around online all day. heh. but i'm kind of behind in my work (i've been saving a lot of it for next week so i can show her everything) so i guess this will be better. i meant to clean my office and stuff last week, but uh, that never happened. oops.

4 days left of work! (well, 4 at each job, 5 total.) i am so excited :D (except for the packing. i am still not excited for that, and probably never will be.)

We bought getaway_machine's plane ticket today. She gets here on the 22nd, there is a family party on the 23rd, a store party on the 24th, a Jenny concert on the 26th, and a long-ass drive on the 27th/28th. It is very weird to have something that you've worked so hard for finally happen.

Also, packing becomes less appealing every single day, wtf.

.....

Has anyone ever driven from the northeast to Orlando? Mapquest gave me this route, but I think I'd like to avoid driving through DC since traffic is going to be a bitch. Although, if we drive through DC we can probably grab lunch with pancakekiller. Hm. Still, DC traffic is the worst and I would rather avoid it. My parents recommended um, whatever road we took to Virginia Tech. And then just heading south. But that's kind of very far west, isn't it? I wanted to get to GA on the first day (assuming we leave really early, which my parents are trying to talk me out of since we will be out late the night before. In our defense, I will be so excited that I won't be able to sleep anyway, so we can take turns napping or something if we need to) so that we have a short drive the second day so I can actually move my shit inside without wanting to die too much. But Greensboro, NC (through DC when there was no traffic whatsoever) was about 12 hours, and GA looks really far from there. ... Fuuuuck.

I KNOW! We can charter a hot air balloon!! Everyone knows the shortest distance between two points is a straight line...

.....

Things I Need to Do Before Leaving: hang out with Kaitlin and Sheena and maybe Hoenz; eat at Surf Taco; get a tattoo; learn how to check the pressure in my tires; figure out our route and where we're spending the night during the drive; talk to my bank; eat at Wawa; get ice cream at the awesome place down by school*; say goodbye to my beach; I don't even know.

My days off are getting booked pretty quickly (today I had to run errands, Thursday I'm having dinner out with my mom and then smoking with G and Ryan, Saturday night will be spent in Trenton, Sunday I plan on being hungover but will try to get some stuff done, Wednesday I'm getting my tattoo, and then Ashley's here and there is so much going on! It's madness) but I have so much to do! Not to mention packing and cleaning and finding a job and figuring out what furniture I need.

*Ashley, we are going here when I pick you up from the airport. And we are possibly getting food or something with Bel and Hita, if they ever decide to return my phone calls. Mostly we are getting ice cream though, and driving through campus one last time.

virginia tech: would be a pretty awesome place if the actual vt love wasn't so overwhelming. i'm pretty sure every store in a 50 mile radius sells tech merchandise, which is kind of sickening after spending three years at a small liberal arts college whose college bookstore barely sold school merch. also, i do not understand the point of hookah bars. SO BORING, and i am a smoker who regularly sat outside ALL NIGHT in the middle of winter, shooting the shit with my smoker friends BEFORE I EVEN SMOKED. fun was had, though. also, what the fuck is the deal with virginians and vanity plates? y'all are weird.

tattoo: is happening next wednesday! g is apparently nervous about designing my tattoo and is thinking about making her husband (who is an awesome artist) design it instead. i am very excited!!

jenny owen youngs concert: is a go! g has taken off work and now sheena is coming too! woo! (we should probably buy tickets tomorrow, ash.) i need to look at train schedules and see if we can swing a day in the city. i guess it depends on how much i pack that monday.

plans for this weekend include: smoking with g and ryan; drinking with scott and kaitlin; freaking out about packing; doing very little work.

OMG YES!!

...

otw_news is creating a fannish nonprofit in order to do things like set up a panfandom archive and create a legal defense fund for fans and other awesome stuff. I happen to love fandom and bureaucracy (I know I'm a freak, but understanding Robert's Rules is my only superpower), so I think this is rather awesome. There is a LOT of information in the comm, but it's worth a read.

...

I leave for Virginia early Thursday morning and get back sometime Sunday night, so no internet access for the rest of the week (I also work all day tomorrow and then need to pack). I'll have the cell though, so calling is an option if you miss me.

...

G. is hopefully drawing my tattoo and making us an appointment while I'm gone. And clearing her calendar so we can go see Jenny Owen Youngs in NYC with getaway_machine the night before we leave. And planning a night for me to hang out with her and Ryan. I told her tonight that the rest of my friends are going to be pissed that I am basically making plans for every available night my last three weeks in Jersey with a girl I work with 4-5 days a week, but everybody seems to doubt the existence of these alleged "other friends" who I never see. Speaking of, I need to make plans with Scott. And see if Bel and Hita and Ben want to go to Atlantic City. And email Sheena. And I need to change my calender because I keep getting very confused because the dates are all wrong, heh.

re: my last post

i am semi-replying to people, i am not ignoring anyone, i am sort of waiting for livejournal to respond to a support request, but mostly i am kind of sick of the whole thing. i am sick of reading about it, i am sick of talking about it, and i am sick of thinking about it. which i always feel semi-bad about, but for once i'm not doing it on purpose? i am, however, still 100% behind lj. i'm even considering buying a permanent account when they go on sale just to show my support! it's a lot of money though, so we'll see. (ps: here is the funniest thing i have read on metaquotes in a looong time. heh.)


re: books

i finished the memory keeper's daughter (FINALLY) and i was underwhelmed by the ending. it was a decent book though.

now i am reading grosse pointe girl (please do not point out how many books this jumped in my reading queue- it was all i had with me at work tonight) and i love it. i read over 100 pages of it at work tonight. i think simplykatie and pancakekiller might really enjoy it, but everyone else should check it out too! it's by sarah grace mccandless.

(also, i want to reread the ender series. ADD IT TO THE LIST.)


re: oranges are better than tomatos

IT'S JUNE OMG. this month is going to FLY by. the 7th-10th i am visiting vinnie in va, i am going to try to make plans with people for the week of the 11th (which is my only full week of work all month, haha), the 21st is my last day at the office, the 22nd is my last day at the store, getaway_machine arrives that night, and then it's family party, store party, hang out (pack?), hang out (pack?), DRIVE TO FLORIDA OMG. you guys, I CAN'T EVEN.

daysgonebye came to visit me at work today! but she tragically came while i was avoiding work by picking things up from our off-site storage facility. WOE. (they all told me, at least five times, that she stopped by though. and hilariously, even though i had already texted with her about it, i was genuinely confused when they told me that tracy was looking for me. heh.)

(ps: my mom is currently trying to talk my dad into moving to jackson. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE.)

...

i feel like i should be more embarassed than i am that the first track on my latest mix cd is avril lavigne - girlfriend. my inner hipster cringes whenever it's followed by modest mouse or the decemberists, but i think i am okay with that.

...

i've been trying to get into the habit of not posting about things until they are definite, but this is exciting, so. my parents offered to fly getaway_machine up here at the end of next month so that she can accompany me on the drive to florida. !!! i had seriously been trying to figure out some way for that scenario to happen (because, as much as i think doing the drive alone would be awesome and symbolic*, i would also like to take a trip with one of my friends), so i was pretty excited when they offered. (i think they are more interested in meeting ashley and making sure she is not some crazy old man than finding me a roadtrip buddy who is not my father, but whatevs!)

now we just need to pick the dates! wearealmostthereomgicantwait


* because, in my head, my life is a movie and needs things like symbolism. i'm still waiting for the day when i have to climb some crazy-scary ladder in order to save a puppy or something. overcoming fears requires an inspirational soundtrack, bitches!

mom: if you didn't move--
lisa: *rolls eyes*
mom: *ignores* IF YOU DIDN'T MOVE, you could see the little mermaid on broadway in november.
lisa: ...
mom: with alexa?
lisa: ...
mom: THE LITTLE MERMAID!!
lisa: yeah, i'll have to pass.
mom: *sadface*

anyway, i have exactly one month left at this job. *celebrates*

I don't really know how I did it, but I've rearranged my nights so that I have lj time, and then I get caught up quickly and have nothing else to do, so I post. Which is why I've been so very chatty lately. Anyway.

My replacement at the office starts June 18th. !!! And IE, the other girl at the store who is moving to Florida, leaves next week, which means I am NEXT! I am so so close, and time is moving so slowly now. Which is good, cos I still have sooooooo much to do, but bad, cos I want to quit my fucking jobs move.

I really really need to update my resume this month, no matter how much I hate doing it. And I need to hang out with G and use her scanner so I can set up my portfolio. I guess I could do some of it now though, with things I have on my computer that just need to be PDFed. It's really just the Argos that need to be scanned. (Just key things, like the layout before and after I took over, and the Halloween masthead I designed, and maybe a graph or something. None of my writing is going in, cos (a) it was all done about 20 minutes before deadline cos we had empty space and (b) more than half of it doesn't even have my name on it. Okay, MAYBE I'll use an "Ask Jason" cos those columns were awesome, but only if I can find one that doesn't make me and Jon sound like complete and total morons.) Then I just need to PDF the Lake Fred Ledgers, and the style guide I created for Argo (I really hope I saved that...), and maybe some of my graphics, but probably not. And I should work on some of the non-fiction writing pieces I've had floating around in my head, cos those could go up there. (Sort of a series of "How to" articles for things people never tell you how to prepare for, mostly things that have been causing me angst for the past year or two. I write them in my head every day and think about submitting them to Seventeen. WE SEE WHY I NEED NEW JOBS, YES?)

...

So, the new Avril album. I am still really liking it, but it is so different from her last album! Like she has gotten over her more mature phase and gone back to being carefree and immature, which there is nothing wrong with, but she should have kept Raine on the payroll is all. Some of the songs are so...juvenile. And then like, "Fall to Pieces" will come on (I listen to Yahoo!radio at work all day) and I just love it so much. Plus the new album seems to be all about boys and the sluts they are dating instead of Avril, which I of course can't relate to at all. And I'm mildly offended that every time a boy leaves her, the other girl must be a slut but she never insults the boys. Clearly the BOYS are the sluts, Avril! I'm choosing to believe that, much like the promotion she is doing for the album, the actual songs were thrust upon her by the studio and she thinks they are as lame as I do. Because apparently Avril Lavigne is my soul sister. Did I really just write a whole paragraph about this? What is wrong with me?

I need to go do...something else. I don't even know. I just need to stop writing in my pink diary about how me and Avril Lavigne like, have a BOND.

(lulz)

i am so exhausted but i am feeling the need to talk, so how about some bullet points?

• you are running out of time to determine my daemon, in case you care.
  
  
• i am reading the memory keeper's daughter right now. it is about these twins in the '70s. one of then has down syndrome. it's heartbreaking and touching and i can't stop reading it. if you know anything at all about my reading habits, you know how weird that is for me- i can't even name the last straight fiction book i read. but i am completely absorbed in this book.
  
  
• i think i have a cold. or allergies. either way, i am not pleased!
  
  
• verizon has apparently been fucking me over for almost 4 years. THANKS GUYS. hopefully they will refund me the ~$1000.
  
  
• i didn't watch vmars yet. in fact, i completely forgot until someone on my flist mentioned it. thank god for tivo! i'll have to set it for studio 60, which is showing its last 6 episodes starting the 24th? i think it's the 24th. at 10pm.
  
  
• my calendars are telling me it is march 24th and april 6th. i feel like i should do something about that before i get really confused.

ok it is definitely time to go pass out now.

OH PS: my friends are all afraid that getaway_machine is a freak or a murderer or something, and they are concerned for my well-being. i find it amusing that people think that, out of the two of us, SHE'S the evil one.

So, last night I attended what was probably my last Stockton party, as in ever. I thought I'd be a lot sadder leaving campus for the last time, but I wasn't. It'll always be a part of me, so I'm okay with leaving it behind.

...

In other news, the party was pretty much perfect. Ben couldn't make it, but he was the only member of the crew not there, and we had fun anyway. We watched Mean Girls twice ("Why are we watching Mean Girls?" "Because we're having a party?") and actually just recited pretty much the whole thing. And we continued to rehash our Semester Sans Sheena, and we talked about our Ich Lieberdich (that is probably spelt wrong) party, and discussed penises for a while. But mostly we talked and talked and talked. We have pretty much all grown up so much in the past year, and we've spent a lot of it away from each other, so it was good to come together one last time and see where we all were.

And we saw Joey and he didn't even aknowledge us, which hurts less every time it happens, so there's that.

I crashed at Sheena's, cos her roommates have already moved out. The two of us finally called it a night around 4am and crawled into our beds and lay in the dark for a minute before she said "This is how this past year should have been." Which is half-true, but I have honestly been so much happier since dropping out that I refuse to regret that decision, even with everything it may have cost me.

...

My brother's going back to Tech on Tuesday. I can honestly say I have no idea when I will see him again, which makes me sad.

(Can you tell that we've hit the two month mark?)

I stole the javascript from another site, edited it a little, and made it work. AND I fixed my css, even though I still don't fully understand why it wasn't working since I've never had that problem before. (The text in my table wasn't getting formatted correctly.) But whatever, it all works, so now I just have to format my quotes. Hooray!

...

The sock hop was fun. I like Chris's gf (Kim) a lot, and her cousin was entertaining, and I won some coffee.

...

( My random dreams, including Dean Winchester all wet and in a speedo. THANK YOU BRAIN!!! )

...

Work this weekend sucked (omgUJNJDHHAAAAAAAAAATE) and tomorrow is Monday which means it is my least favorite day of the week which means I am not a happy camper. :(

...

So far, I am really enjoying the new Avril Lavigne album, so you should maybe check that out. (I'll make an effort to upload a song or two this week, in case anyone is wary.)

...

twomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonths!!!! ::counts the seconds::

mom: we won a bunch of money in atlantic city! like, a lot! woo!
lisa: yeah, well i have BETTER news.
mom & dad: ...
lisa: they are opening a HARRY POTTER THEME PARK in ORLANDO.
mom: for the love of god!
dad: you're never coming home, are you?
lisa: *dances*

so, i just got a call from a dell customer service manager. they shipped my items today, they will be here tomorrow, and the manager is going to call me back tomorrow night to make sure everything arrived okay. !!! i am apparently a valued customer?

.....

EDDIECOVERFLAILSHJDJIDNCNUJXCXDOMGOMGOMGOMG

i haven't read it yet, but uh, i'm pretty excited. heh.

.....

the server broke today, so vp and k spent the afternoon in my office trying to fix it. AND vp was in a good mood (well, until he realized that he had no clue why internet was down) so it was extra delightful.

k: so, when are moving?
me: i'll be there july 1st.
[chit chat blah]
k: and your friend is already in the apartment? are you waiting for someone to move out?
me: no, there's nobody in my room right now.
k: so what are you waiting for? why not go now?
mom: K!! stop encouraging her!
k: *trying to be innocent* it's called reverse psychology, duh!

sosickomg. even my EYEBALLS hurt. i have to go to work tonight though, because i can't afford to lay in bed and chug nyquil anymore. (and i can't afford to go to the doctor because my worthless manager hasn't bothered giving me my health insurance yet. AWESOME. i am totally going to cough on her tonight.)

on the plus side, all this laying around & being pathetic has meant i've watched lots of stuff. i got caught up on psych (heeeeeeeeeeee, such love) and then watched spirited away (um, was there a point to that movie? or...an ending? or a plot line that actually got resolved?), the first disc of the 4400 (i like it so far), and lots of puppy bowl III (SOCUTEOMG). and i read half of twilight, which is basically every teen-vampire-romance cliche rolled into one gigantic book...minus the plot. yet for some reason i'm still reading. hm. (i really want to reread the vampire diaries now though. those books are teen-vampire-romance cliches done right.)

i think my biggest problem with twilight is that edward is totally hitting me as straight AND not into incest, which means he is useless to me. fucker.

oh, and it's february so we're down to like, 6 months til cuddlefest i move. or whatever. !!!!! it might even be five, because i want to be there before hp7 comes out. one of my supervisors said if i don't move early, i should at least fly down for the weekend because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. so i guess we'll see? ::fast-forwards::

ps:

Get your own valentinr

HI. i'm home. there is snow and a very messy house and lots and lots of work and also, a distinct lack of getaway_machine. WOE. :( :( :(

in case you haven't been following the updates on her journal, we had a fucking blast. i watched two seasons of avatar, one season of the office, some vmars (there may or may not be some embarassing photos of me completely losing it when we watched "weapons of class destruction"), a bit of buffy, an episode of spn, and little miss sunshine. we also visited approximately 42 book stores in a quest for the first book in the weather warden series so ashley could get me to shut up about how awesome it is. i'll post more about it later, but this post is staying spoiler free and also i have things to do but basically: THE SERIES IS AWESOME AND OMG I NEED THE NEXT BOOK NOOOOOW. oh, and we played a bunch of mario party and then i almost got kicked out of nicole & casey's place because of my lack of interest in star wars. oops? whatever, GOOD TIMES WERE HAD. i can't fucking wait til august. ::fast forwards::

(there will be photos um, maybe tonight, but more likely wednesday. i'll see what i can do.)

in other news, I AM GOING TO SEE simplykatie IN MARCH. !!!!!! plz to be containing your jealousy :D ::is the luckiest by far::

(good things about coming home: snow!, my laptop, new earrings, no parents, seeing sheena!!!, indian food two days in a row, and nobody TACKLING me every three seconds.)

(somebody remind me to upload this album for y'all, because omgsogood.)