barbed_whispers

(as aside: when i type a subject, it pulls up other subjects that i have used in the past. when did i post about a sink with raping attachments? and why? sometimes i frighten myself, you guys.)

so, i should be sleeping. i've been blogging on here for six years, and it's the same damn story- i should be asleep, but i can't shut my brain off, wah wah wah. i'm not even thinking emo thoughts though! i think the last thing that made me open my laptop was a burning need to know what timezone memphis is in. (it's in one that will help me get to the jenny show on time, but which will make the drive back that much more unbearable. sweet.) wait no. i needed to look up lyrics to this jenny song. (i'm in the business of loving you til you choke; it won't make a difference if you do or you don't.)

it won't even matter if i DO fall asleep, since i've been having fucked up dreams again and therefore have not been sleeping well. last night i may or may not have dreamt i was running an orphanage full of jess's friends. they wanted to make lasagna with yogurt instead of pot cheese cos "that's how they do it in amsterdam!" even in my dream, someone pointed out what a miracle it was that i didn't punch someone in the face for that shit! my dreams should not be raising my blood pressure, y'all.

before that, jenny was a vampire. the show did not go so well after i found this out! (sigh.)

(i hope jenny is not a self-googler. or that if she is, that this lj is not high in the results. oh dear- something new to worry about.)

(which led to me googling her to see what's what, which led to me finding a review of the new album on absolutepunk.net. good times!)

ok, i take back that thing about this being a journal again. it is clearly still just a jenny fansite. i'll try to do better come june?

(i love that this song sounds like an indie rock sea shanty ♥)

i feel like i have been away for a while, even though i have not really. oh well, a list-y update anyway:

01. on halloween i ate too much candy and had a mini halloween movie marathon. watched halloweentown (i have seen better cheesy halloween movies, but it was cute) and house (the horror movie from the 80s, not the tv show with the bitchy doctor). i had seen house before, but not since i was a kid because it was seriously the most terrifying movie ever to me. (and i LOVED horror movies when i was little. the nightmare on elm street movies were my favorites.) one of my clearest memories from when i was little is my brothers tricking me and putting house in and turning the volume all the way up so that even though i was in my room with the door closed and my hands over my ears and i was screaming i could still hear the movie. (trufax: my brothers are sometimes assholes.) anyway, it was still really good, and i remembered a lot more of it than i thought, like the hand? heh. before rewatching it, my only two memories were the rambo skeleton guy (my brain made him scarier) and "dedicated to the one i love" (the song?), but there was plenty of "oh yeah!" anyway, good times.

02. i was really concerned about watching house though, cos i was afraid i would have nightmares. and i did, but it was not a horror movie nightmare so i guess it's okay. i dreamt i moved to nyc and got my own (sketchy) place that for some reason had a giant stuffed unicorn in the living room that the previous owner had left behind. i was pretty excited! anyway, scott lived across the street and m. lived nearby too and was on the local roller derby team and i was very unhappy about living near her cos, you know, she's a cunt. and her roller derby friends could kick my ass for saying so. and then my (not real) desktop AND my laptop got stolen out of my car! that was the nightmare part. there may have been tears.

03. i watched a bunch more movies this weekend! i do not know what has gotten into me. i watched beetlejuice (i love this movie a ton), kit kittredge: an american girl (SO GOOD), ten inch hero (pretty good, if a little cheesy), rounders (i miss playing poker), and wayne's world (people were making "that's what she said" jokes in 1992??).

04. i voted on satuday! it took over four hours! wtf!

05. we went out last night and it was SO FUN. i did not have enough liquor to do karaoke (my earlier claims of "not enough liquor in the world" are untrue- one more drink and i probably would've done it) but it was still very good times. i had completely forgotten that having friends is so awesome. there may or may not be video & photos later, giraffe tongue threats be damned :D

06. i forgot to plug my alarm clock back in last night so guess who did not go to work today! my bad, but still being in bed is awesome. i need to call the gas company and crap now though cos i am moving in less than TWO WEEKS WHAT.

07. i am too lazy to edit this so i hope it all makes sense!

1. looking for alaska made me cry at work today. one of my electricians semi-caught me (he came in before the waterworks really started, but i was sniffling and misty-eyed) and i definitely blamed my soup. UGH you guys! i love this book so much!

2. oh god twilight: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

3. THERE IS A SEQUEL TO THE CHEESE MONKEYS!!!! i was already thinking longingly of this book because of alaska, but now i must reread it! nfuurbfv CHIP KIDD ILU.

4. the other night i dreamt in indian. my brain helpfully provided subtitles. !!! I AM GOING INSANE, YOU GUYS.

4a. i am so tired i cannot see straight. i am so tired the bags under my eyes make it look like i have not slept in a month. i am so tired that the thought of walking the two feet to my bed exhausts me. and yet i cannot fall asleep. DELIGHTFUL.

ughhhhhhhhh anxiety dreams this week include: the cat somehow sneaking into my room, getting scratched repeatedly by a kitten, and a NERD HOLOCAUST.

My brain obviously does not appreciate being poor, even though I've given it tons of practice. Stupid brain. Stupid felines. Stupid nerd holocaust!

(I am so outrageously tired you guys. I am doing a super-repetitive task that I have been doing for over a year and I keep completely forgetting what to do next. So now I am not doing anything. Oops.)

last night i dreamt i was a dude.

is that weird?

(other dreams this week include one in which my ex-best friend was dead and i didn't give a fuck, and one in which i worked the morning shift at my college's (non-existent) bagel shop and someone tried to chop off my hand with an ax.)

(unrelatedly, i am out of books to read again. fuewuhfu WHAT SHOULD I READ?)

last night i dreamt that getaway_machine was getting MARRIED. we were still gonna share an apartment though, hah.

then i dreamt that i was jackie chan and i lived in a castle cos i was a knight! not a very honorable knight, but a knight nonetheless.

you know the worst part about watching about 20 hours of the west wing over the course of one weekend? the (really stressful!) dreams you will have about working in the white house sunday night.

(SIGH. so tired now.)

but hey, i'm on season five! most of which i have never seen! actually, from here on out, i think i have seen two full episodes, and maybe a handful of scenes from other episodes. of course, since one of the two i have seen is one of the last episodes of the series, i am spoiled for a lot of stuff, dammit. (well, that, and cos i didn't completely remove myself from fandom once i stopped watching the show. oh well.)

i might watch sports night next. actually, i kind of want to watch the office, but i don't want to watch anything that's still on the air. ooh, i could do farscape. getaway_machine, are we supposed to do that one together? i can't remember. hm.

(i am almost positive i have off again this weekend, so this could become an issue soon.)

(also, maybe i missed this, but do they never address the fact that sam doesn't come back to the white house? i mean, one episode he's campaigning and he's been promoted, and then nobody ever says "oh btw, sam found a new bf on the west coast. sorry josh." right? or did i miss it? i mean, i knew he wasn't coming back, but if i was watching this and knew nothing about the show, i'd be really confused now.)

can i tell you about a dream i had last night?

(the best part about livejournal? you can't tell me no until AFTER i've told you the dream! and then i can just ignore you!)

(and before i start, i should tell you that i've been having kind of fucked up dreams. fucked up even for me. you guys, i died while zombie hunting and then discovered i had been a zombie all along in one dream. like, got shot in the head, everything faded to black, woke up in the dream and said "FUCK, i'm a zombie demon thing" kind of fucked up. what does it say about my subconcious that i was all righteously hunting evil creatures and then it turned out i was one?)

so anyway, i was with my brother, at our old house that we grew up in, in my stupid pink room, and he answered my phone and it was a demon calling. (spn-esque, except, well, keep reading.) and apparently, in the canon that is my brain, demons can possess you through telemarketing. so my brother hung up all quickly, but i suspected that he had a small amount of demon in him. (also in the canon that is my brain, possession can happen in degrees. "oh it's alright, he's only 2% demon. he's the low-fat milk of demons!") and here, i will share with you my exact thought process upon suspecting my brother was possessed by a demon: "fuck! i should exorcise the demon! ... FUCK, i don't know latin! i know, i'll ask vinnie how it starts! NO NO WAIT, that would probably really piss the demon off. whoo, good save there, not asking a demon how to exorcise it. fuck, what do i do? i know! I'LL CALL BOBBY!" at which point, i swear to god, i started scrolling through my phone looking for bobby's phone number. and then my alarm went off and scared me half to death.

IN CONCLUSION, i am totally the dean winchester of this apartment, forever and always, the end. and also, i am maybe not the person you want with you in the case of a zombie and/or demon attack.

AND NOW THERE SHALL BE CAKE.

dreams i have had this week:
-the one where i was going door-to-door in a virginia tech dorm, while crying, cos i couldn't find my brother.
-the one where i talked to a duck by quacking. (he did not take my advice.)
-the one where my brother and i were doing something in a shady section of seattle.
-the one where i was on a scavenger hunt with getaway_machine and simplykatie in my grandmother's house, which ended with tamora pierce writing us the best fic ever and my crazy aunt hugging me and ashley all crazily.
-the one with the limericks.
-the one where i was in pathmark and TOM HANKS said hello to me and i rolled my eyes at him. and then i ate green ice cream.

recipes my mother is sending me, as they are necessary to my continued existence:
-pasta sauce
-chicken murphy
-easter bread
-italian cheesecake

things i actually really like about orlando:
-an abundance of blue skies
-flowers in bloom in FEBRUARY what!
-publix
-the social
-the total lack of needing to defrost my car
-super-target
-lots of bookstores
-hookers

new year's was, um, let's not talk about it. the merriment ended shortly after my second phone post, but i feel a lot better today! haha, anyone want a set of shooter mixes that are guaranteed to make you vomit your face off? because we have some, and we really, really don't need them. (we recommend giving them to your enemies, but not if they are drinking in your home.)

so anyway, it's 2008. 2007 was good to me in a lot of ways, and i generally don't do resolutions, but i think i need one this year. i am going to be happier. i am going to stop getting dragged down by little things, and start being grateful for my life again. i don't know exactly when i stopped waking up every day thankful to be alive¹, but i need to get back to that place because it's a good place to be. (which is not to say that i'm unhappy in general, because i'm not. i AM happy, i just have trouble remembering that sometimes.) i'm putting it here because if you see me being unhappy about something dumb, you should feel free to tell me where to stuff it. especially when i get into stupid weeklong fits of emoness, which annoy ME so they must drive everyone who talks to me insane.

(i think i also need to spend some time learning the meaning of the words "move on" because uh, i am bad at that and it drags me down. i dreamt that someone emailed me, and in the dream i did what i always do- looked at it and said "i will email him back later, after i think about this for a while." but then i woke up and so i never emailed him back, and i was actually sad about the whole thing. the point of the story, though, is that dream friendships are not real friendships, and poke wars are not conversations, and i need to just accept the fact that some things can't be fixed. or i need to grow some balls and tell him these things because maybe this is one of those things that CAN be fixed, but i really doubt that'll happen and i don't even really know if i want it to anyway, so moving on it is.)

(i am also instituting my new book rule in full, possibly with a chart of some kind, and am considering extending it to movies. i don't think i've talked about my new book rule here though, so basically, i am only allowed to reread things when i've also read something new. it keeps me from faffing about rereading my childhood, which is good because while i do love all those books a lot, i also love finding new stuff. on that note, please rec me some books?)

¹i think it about coincided with starting at my new job, and i am stuck there for a few more months at least, but then i can start looking for something new that will hopefully make me happier. i think part of the problem is that i feel trapped there because they pay so well (compared to everything else i've looked at, though not in general, i don't think) and i am still barely getting by. i need to start working on my finances again, too.

So, I failed at NaBloPoMo. In my defense, I failed because I decided to lay down for 10 minutes last night and then promptly passed out for about 12 hours. AND I could have quite happily gone back to sleep after my alarm woke me up this morning. So I think I was a little tired?

Also, I had this pretty awesome dream in which G.'s husband repainted the subway so the 1 train was unicorn themed. And I yelled at two muggers for trying to steal my books! But we were on campus (my campus had a unicorn subway! Best. College. Ever.) and I couldn't figure out how to report them to campus police, so I wrote down descriptions of them. One of them had really ugly hair. All in all, pretty good dream.

Anyway, this is the poll I would have posted last night if I hadn't slipped into that delicious coma.

Poll #1096921 pay close attention to the ticky boxes.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

who's cuter?

also, getaway_machine just hit the rage-inducing scene in the third alanna book and stormed in here all "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" i feel vindicated about jon being on my my "Top Five Fictional People I Want to Punch in the Face List" three times now!

Poll #1093859 this is totally hypothetical, i swear.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

how bad is it to have a dream where you are making out with your mortal enemy?

what if it wasn't just random making out? what if you were actually in love with the bane of your very existence?

what if i- i mean, YOU, hypothetical you! what if you weren't you in the dream? in fact, you were someone else who you know and who has no connection with the turdpile you were sucking face with in the dream?

i feel like i will never be clean again.

I stole the javascript from another site, edited it a little, and made it work. AND I fixed my css, even though I still don't fully understand why it wasn't working since I've never had that problem before. (The text in my table wasn't getting formatted correctly.) But whatever, it all works, so now I just have to format my quotes. Hooray!

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The sock hop was fun. I like Chris's gf (Kim) a lot, and her cousin was entertaining, and I won some coffee.

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( My random dreams, including Dean Winchester all wet and in a speedo. THANK YOU BRAIN!!! )

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Work this weekend sucked (omgUJNJDHHAAAAAAAAAATE) and tomorrow is Monday which means it is my least favorite day of the week which means I am not a happy camper. :(

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So far, I am really enjoying the new Avril Lavigne album, so you should maybe check that out. (I'll make an effort to upload a song or two this week, in case anyone is wary.)

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twomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonthstwomonths!!!! ::counts the seconds::

last night i dreamt i was stalking christopher pike. i even had his ADDRESS. i have tragically forgotten it since waking. anyway, i baked him some cookies and was going to deliver them to his house. unfortunately, it had been knocked down and was being rebuilt from scratch, so i started knocking on his neighbors' doors in a quest to find him. i did not succeed. :(

then i dreamt i was drinking with simplykatie and telling her about a dream i had about...getting drunk with simplykatie. heh. she had a strawberry daiquiri, and i was drinking something darkish pink that may have contained vodka and was kind of thick? i don't know. and i let her drive the rufusmobile (before we got to the bar) and she parked it excellently, which i commented on because she had also done so in the dream i was telling her about. and also i strongly disliked the bartender for some reason.

so last night i dreamt that i was wallace (from vmars) (and ok, i was me, and wallace was there, but for most of the dream i was experiencing things as him) and i was a lifeguard at this camp and they gave me pink ballet shoes and i swam in the ocean! it was only a dream, but still. it was kind of really terrifying. and then it was raining and i was running around between the cabins barefoot and wishing i had put my ballet slippers on. it was the cabins up at camp mason. insight was this weekend. coincidence? i think not.

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( work babble. )

I had another Grey's Anatomy dream last night.

It ended with George and Alex spooning.

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:D

two dreams, actually.

in the first one, i was moving out of my house (our old office, and apparently i lived in my mom's old desk...) and into a tent. in a wal-mart parking lot. and i was running for congress. and i was upset because i couldn't find someplace to plug in my typewriter. ... heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

in the second one, i was an intern at seattle grace. it was izzie's first day back, but she couldn't find her stethoscope because addison had hidden it, but she gave it back when bailey yelled at her. then somebody tried to blow up the doctors' cars! and so they were moving them all out of the doctor parking lot, but instead of waiting for me to get my keys, they broke into the rufusmobile! oh, it was tragic. and addison's husband (not derek, heh) was a total self-absorbed moron. so maybe it *was* derek...

and now i am at work and sooo much better and less sick and paul simon is playing and today is looking up!

I went to see Jackass 2 last night with my brothers & uncle (it was awesome and hilarious, btw), and I was about thisclose to having a full-blown freakout during the coming attractions. Because of this. Oh. My. God. Once I knew what it was for, I stopped hyperventilating and cowering and whatnot, but still. Still! The beginning of that trailer- basically right up until it says the movie title- is one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my life and I am preemptively adding that movie to my banned list. Banned for LIFE.

And then of course last night I had a sort-of nightmare. It was thankfully devoid of Martians, Russians, Russian Martians, and ambiguous wine. But it was chock full of velociraptors, so is that really any better? (I guess it is, since they were jumping on a trampoline instead of eating me, but still. Dream!Lisa was mightily freaked out, as she always is.¹)


¹Nothing bad ever happens to me in dreams, but I always think something bad is gonna happen so I always panic and freak out and give myself a dream!ulcer. Much like in real life...

01. studio 60 on the sunset strip. awesome! seriously, watch it.

02. house. rapidly becoming a show i watch more out of habit than out of genuine interest or love. i lose interest in things very easily, but i'm hoping this comes back around.

03. little miss sunshine. i was so afraid to see this, because i absolutely hate it when movies get over-hyped, but i think this actually lived up to all the awesome things people have been saying about it. i laughed, i cried, i thoroughly enjoyed myself, and i want to go see it again.

04. in her shoes. i was surprised by how much i liked this! heh.

05. big fish. not nearly as good as i was hoping it would be. what was the point?? whatever, billy crudup is hot.

06. holy shit, have you see the artwork for the anita blake comics? i am SO. RIDICULOUSLY. EXCITED. actually, just the other day i was having an internal debate on whether i can still call myself a fan since i refuse to interact with new source materials, but then i saw the comic and oh man. it looks GOOD. it's guilty pleasures in comic form. do you know what this means? do you?? it means that i may possibly get the chance to have artwork of my favorite abvh scene of all time. HELL. YES.

07. i don't watch the office. i've never even flipped past it. yet the other night, i had a pam/jim dream. so if somebody got my dream (maybe it was logan/veronica?), could we trade back? because shippery dreams for characters i don't know aren't actually satisfying.

08. that same night though, i dreamt that veronica was in a scavenger hunt. hee.

09. um, i love sirius black. like, a lot. and the sirius bashing today made me kind of sad and angry, so can we maybe not do that anymore? kthx. (then again, the "sirius is cool and dumbledorf is a douche" stuff definitely made me feel good inside.)

10. i'm too tired to do the html, but i heart katia and panda and ashley. weeeeeeee.